Funny Family Quotes

Some funny family quotes, happy Mother's Day!


My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap....He was in the electric chair.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
- Bob Hope



To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. (The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895)
- Oscar Wilde

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to.
- Dodie Smith

I am an only child. I have one sister.
- Woody Allen

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.
- Jeff Foxworthy

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
- Douglas Adams

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible...and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
- Victor Borge

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
- Thomas Jefferson

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.
- Charles Dickens

Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family.
- Bernard Shaw

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- Bernard Shaw

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
- Leo Tolstoy

The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants.
- Shakespeare

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
- Theodore Hesburgh

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close- knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
- Leo Tolstoy

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
- Jane Howard

I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it.
- Anonymous

The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.
- George Santayana

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.
- Alex Haley

In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family’s story embodies its hope and despair.
- Auguste Napier

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.
- Elizabeth II

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
- Francis Bacon

It is easier for a father to have children than The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family.
- Thomas Jefferson

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.
- Charles Dickens

Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family.
- Bernard Shaw

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- Bernard Shaw

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
- Leo Tolstoy

The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants.
- Shakespeare

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
- Theodore Hesburgh

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close- knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
- Leo Tolstoy

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family:
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
- Jane Howard

I never forget my wife’s birthday. It’s usually the day after she reminds me about it.
- Anonymous

The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.
- George Santayana

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.
- Alex Haley

In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family’s story embodies its hope and despair.
- Auguste Napier

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.
- Elizabeth II

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
- Francis Bacon

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.
- Pope John XXIII

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended- and not to take a hint when a hint is not intended.
- Robert Frost

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

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