Here's some additions to the tech support jokes that was posted in this blog before. I thought it'd be easier to make new post rather than adding the jokes into the already-long original tech support posting. so, enjoy!
p/s-click HERE to read the previous compilations on tech support jokes :)
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my desk... sorry .
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill
Gates damn it !
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?
Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around
Some of the most creative,witty quotes I have come across....
If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems: (He also makes his living as a comedian by the name of Steve Wright....)
1 - I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
This blog is about jokes, but this post is not. I know it doesn't really fit, but still I foubd it interesting. Several children age from 4 to 8 year-old were asked to defined LOVE and look at their adorable answers....
--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday" (Tina - age 7)
--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)
--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)
--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8 )
--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." (Chrissy - age 6 )
A group of 4 to 8 year-old Children was asked, "What does love mean?" The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." (Terri - age 4 )
--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip
before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)
--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 )
--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all
the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the
only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)
--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken." (Elaine -
High technology isn't always a good civilization………….read this!...
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ .. on......88986135610 2049998-45- 54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Adam and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. ."
Customer: " What?"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic.... ... "
Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))"
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
I know normally I would put several pics in a category before posting them. but I dont' have time to find others for this one. So this time I'd just put one picture. A real signage...
remember, never touch the wires or you'll be fined after you're dead...
I don't feel like writing any intro this time. So, just enjoy the pics!
What it seems to be might not be what it is...
Follow the leader, and you'll become one...
Act on your greed, suffer by your deed...
Creativity might sounds silly, but it can save your belly...
Okay, I gave up. What's the moral of this one, again?
What is a KISS? no, I'm not talking about the rock band, but the act of......well since I don't know how to precisely define it, let's ask the professors of various areas!
Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable!
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.
See these similarities:
Women & Windows
Both have a great UI.
Both consume large resources and do less work.
Both crash unexpectedly.
Both are not easily portable on different architectures (environment)
Both can't work on low resource architectures (environment).
Both are costly to maintain.
Both give mostly unexpected outputs.
Both's working often contradicts with their documentation
Both are easily prone to viruses (rumors and doubts) (and they (viruses) do spread very fast in windows based networks).
In spite of all above disadvantages, both are liked
Men & Linux
Both have an average UI.
Both are robust.
Both are highly secure.
Both can be easily modified to support new concepts/features
Both are efficient.
Both are easily portable to any architecture (environment) no matter how low are resources.
You can easily guess the output for your input (in Linux just open its code, for boys are mostly transparent by nature).
Both provide large support for development (work environment).
Both are poorly documented
When a student is facing an exam, he'll be worried about one thing:
Will he pass or will he fail?
If he passed, don't worry!
If he failed, he's going to worry about one thing:
Will he be able to graduate or will he be a dropout?
If he graduated, don't worry!
If he dropped out, he's going to worry about one thing:
Will he get a job or will he be jobless?
If he got a job, don't worry!
If he couldn't get a job, he's going to worry about one thing:
Can he afford to buy food or he'll be witout food?
If he can afford food, don't worry!
If he is without food, he's going to worry about one thing:
Will he survive or he'll die starving?
If he survived, don't worry!
If he died, he's going to worry about one thing:
Is he going to heaven or he's going to hell?
If he's going to heaven, don't worry!
If he's going to hell, he won't have the luxury to even be worried anymore.
so, WHY WORRY????
We're so much into e-mail that we probably couldn't last a week without reading an e-mail. some people can only last a day.
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=route+optimization+in+nemo+draft&btnG=Search
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself
HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Malaysian soccer team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...
Family Guy is one of my all-time favourite cartoon. and here's some famous quotes taken from the series:
when I'm through with them, our kids will be so smart, they'll be able to program
their own VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself.
For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!
Griffin: Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house,
because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.
Brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white mans dialogue in a Spike
You better watch who your calling a child louis, because if I'm a child you know what
that makes you? A Paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and
be lectured by a pervert !
ice cream. Come to my mouth. How dare you disobey me!
Damn the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! It just sits there consuming other
people's feces while contributing nothing of its own to society.
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a lower-middle class Irish family.
the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Chris Griffin: Where do you think you go when you die?
Southern boy: I learned from church that if you're good you go to heaven but if
you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and
they pray for death but death won't come.
Chris Griffin: UPN?
Kids, we just have to learn to accept this. Like one of those stories on Dateline
where a family member suffers a horrible accident and becomes a burden on everybody.
Sure, they pretend to be happy, but they're dead inside,
they're dead. And that'll be our lives.
I thought that the name of the show was Kids Say theDarndest things. Not, Old
Black Comedian Never Shuts the Hell Up!
Peter: Joe, I've had new neighbors before but none of them were half the man you
are. And since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction
I can't even measure.
Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip,
and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.
[On being President of the tobacco company]
Peter: And they give us a lot of perks, too.
Ugly Girl: (to Meg) Hi.
Meg: Who are you?
Ugly Girl: I'm the ugly girl sent to stand next to you to make you more desirable.
[Bear is standing in front of Peter and Chris]
Chris: Dad I know what to do! I saw NBC's 'When Bears Attack'. GO AWAY. You are
not wanted, go on... scat. Stay tuned for all new Ally Mcbeal.
I don't want your Mom to worry alright? When she worries she starts saying things
like 'I told you so' or 'Stop doing that I'm asleep'.
Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever
since they came over to this country from France.
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like
you, very homosexually.
Meg: How could you embarrass me like that? Nobody better pull this kind of crap
at my slumber party tonight.
Lois: Don't worry, honey. You and your friends are gonna have a great time.
Stewie: Yes. How delightful it will be. A pubescent herd of gabby wretches prattling
on about boys and music and jellybeans and stickers.
Lois Griffin: Peter! You're bribing your daughter with a car?
Peter Griffin: Ah, c'mon, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?
I'm not a fan of windows, if you ask me. yeah, they are pretty...easy...simple...etc. that's what I thought before i met Linux. But I'm not going to prech you into Linux here. That's not what I do. But that's not a reason for not enjoying some good videos on Windows vs Linux..... did i forget Mac? whatever...
Malaysian 12th Election is in few days. It's so close that I can't hold myself any longer. By hook or by crook I REALLY have to post this (If you're a Malaysian you'll understand what I meant, if you're not...you better stay that way, coz the fact is so damn ugly). Enough with gibberish talk, enjoy some vids I found on youtube:
Man....good ol' sport bloopers would never fail to amuse you. Sometimes it's not funny at all, but still it's so exciting to see the actions (or mis-actions).
No, man. That's not a right way to bribe!
Hole in one...except the hole is moving.....slowly
Oi! Where's the head?
I guess they are really that close
Damn the trophy nowadays... it's heavy!
Ouch! My b***!!!
And mine as well!!!
It ain't bullshit...
Four legged defenders are always the best
Take out your excessive baggage, please
Anyone got sewing kit?
That gonna hurt...soon
Time for a pit stop
That's a meatball, isn't it?
If you can smell the victory
That's for the shot you blocked before!
Hitting something does count, right?
Hey! I said HAND!
I chowed on Stephen Chow...
He might be BIG, but I;m facing right towards his weakness :)
Now I'm entertaining!
Is that really legal?????
Now I know where Feyenoord came from. Yeah, F ya Noord!!!
You can play bowling on rugby field? I didn't know that...
And that's the last time he ever scored...
Mike is HUNGRY!