Read this newspaper articles. They were all trues stories.
Gay Cannot Fly!!!
Caught Yourself Speeding????
Guinea de La Noche
Bad Guys Wanted!!!
So FRESH You'd Swear over It!
Don't Judge a Baby by His Name
When the Car Turns Cold...
Rocked and Rolled
Dead, and Once Again
Me, Kitty and Ourselves
Dumb and Dumber and Dumber and Dumber...(repeat 59,054,087 times)
Soup of the Day
Read this newspaper articles. They were all trues stories.
Got to salute this guy for what he have done. I mean, how many times have you been called by telemarketer and how annoying could that be? I still remember when I landed my first permanent job, with no experiance with telemarketer whatsoever, I've got several calls from telemarketer in the first week! I mean, how do they get my (mobile) phone number? More important thing is, how do they know I've already getting steady paycheck? I've never got any such call when I was still studying or doing freelancing works and contract jobs before. So this conversation between Tom Mabe and the telemarketer is a bomb for me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)
Here's another moral story for you. (hey, moral is good for us....seriously)
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor
As a test.
"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll
Send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that
Means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with
Only Rs100 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and
Buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door
Round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with Rs600.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go
Everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled
Every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his
Own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the city
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the
Conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
Replied, "I don't have an email".
The broker answered Curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build An empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an Email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a
M3 - You're reading this from my blog, which is on the internet, meaning you are closer to being
An office boy, than a millionaire. .
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I'm closing all my
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!! !
Have you seen any Indian movie before? Hindi or Tamil, it doesn't matter, it always have one common element. The hero is so tough he won't die easily. No matter how hard or how many bullets had pierced his body, he will always managed to survive and finish the job he intended to do before he drop dead (that's if he died at the end of the movie, normally the Indian movie hero won't). If you still can't get my point here, look at the picture below and you'll know what I'm talking about
Unbelievable? Believe it!!!
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his book-keeper has screwed him for ten million bucks.
This book-keeper is deaf and it was considered an occupational benefit why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf book-keeper would not be able to hear anything and never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to shake down the book-keeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the book-keeper: "Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks the book-keeper where the money is hidden.
The book-keeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you'retalking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9mm pistol, puts it to the book-keeper's temple, cocks it up and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll x-x-/ you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The book-keeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the lawyer: "Well, what'd he say?"
The lawyer replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger!!"
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, 3 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account �30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a
Later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD?)
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "You ******, I meant my dress size!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
There once was an Indian chicken farmer who lived on the outskirts of Bombay. For years, he scratched out a reasonable living from raising the chickens and selling both chickens and eggs.
One morning when he went to feed his flock, he noticed several dead chickens. Not knowing what to do, he packed his bags and made a long trek into the Himalayas, climbed a mountain , and found a guru.
He moaned to him " I am a poor chicken farmer. The other morning I found several dead chickens. What should I do?"
What do you feed them?" asked the guru.
"Wheat" said the farmer.
"That is your problem son. Corn, feed them with corn" said the guru.
The man paid his tribute to the guru,climbed down the mountain and returned home.When he arrived, he immediately changed the chicken's feed to corn. For three weeks everything went well. Then one morning,as he went to feed his flock, he found more dead chickens.
He packed his bags, made the trek to the Himalyas, and climbed the mountain once again. "Oh guru! more of my chickens are dead."
"How do you give them water?" asked the guru.
"I carved wooden bowls in which I gave them water"
"Troughs! you need troughs!"
The farmer made the long journey home and built troughs. For six months, everything went along fine. Then one morning, as he went to feed his flock, he found more dead chickens. So, again, he made the trek to the guru. "Oh guru!" he cried. "More of my chickens are dead!"
"How do you house them?" asked the guru.
"I built wooden shack in which they live."
"Ventilation! They need more ventilation!" said the guru.
Back home, the farmer spend a small fortune putting a new ventilation system in his coop. For a year, everything went well. Then one morning, he went out to discover that all of his chickens were dead.
Beside himself with grief, he packed his bags and again made his way to the mountain. "Oh guru!" he wailed. "All of my chickens are dead!"
"That is a shame," replied the guru. "I had a lot more solutions."
Sounds familiar? Yes, sure it is....Windoze troubleshooter :)
Bet you won't find definitions like this in your dictionary.
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
Anyone who went to school and took physics classes should know Isaac Newton, or at least his famous Newton's Law. This is the law that tell us about inertia, force, mass and acceleration and many others. But enough physics, it's Valentine and let see what Newton has in store for this day.
First Law Of Love (Newton's First Law):
" A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless Any External Agent (Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And Break The Legs Of The Boy. "
Second Law Of Love (Newton's Second Law):
" The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The Bank Balance. "
Third Law Of Love (Newton's Third Law):
" The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite To The Force Applied By The Girl While SLAPPING...
Lastly, Universal Law of Love (Universal Law of Energy):
" Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money "
Read this short list and if you can relate any of them back to yourself, you should really start learning to be a little bit wiser... these are the symptoms of ID-ten-T syndrome.
You are not so bright if you...
I NOW HAVE TO:
1. Scrub the top of every can I open.
2. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
3. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Story 1: Coffee or Cup?
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and in life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.
For those like me who has an office job, office the place where we really spend most of our life. We've been at the office more than we've been in our home, without considering our sleeping time.
And here's something that might remind you of the office life. whether it rings true or not, it's worth your time pondering. Enjoy!
In Malaysia, people are familiar with the term "Radio Buruk" or old radio (which actually supposed to refer to broken radio). It is the situation where a message changes everytime it hops from one person to another. To make it clearer, check this picture out!:
Right after my previous post, someone sent me these pictures so I can't help it but to post them. Thanks to "phlexo" for the pics. I'm not a sexist so I think I need to stress out that these are only jokes and I'm sincerely apologize for anyone offended.
by the way, just enjoy the pics :)
DIARY OF A MARRIED COUPLE
Today night, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.